dark side of HK

Handsome Mask for Whatever You Want to be...

A new addition to the ‘beauty mask’ trade here in HK. These masks are usually marketed to women of a certain age to remove impurities, wrinkles, and/or brighten the skin. Some actually bleach the skin with various whitening agents as well. Anyway they are usually quite expensive, and as with most beauty products the results are dubious. This is the first one I’ve seen for men exclusively however, though I can’t say I’ve gone looking. It seems all you need to be ‘cool, cute, sexy and macho (or) whatever you want to be’ is contained within.


Of course you could purchase an ‘actual’ handsome mask of say, George Clooney (or whoever is the latest heartbreaker if he’s a bit long in the tooth of your taste). That would be make dating difficult however, as you would have to mostly grunt and nod, lest your date notice that your overlarge yet handsome face doesn’t move much when you talk. Then again some women are drawn to the strong/silent/mysterious type. Just don’t be surprised when you notice that ‘Kate Beckinsale’ seems rather staid and quiet over dinner. And her face seems a bit too large, now that you think about it…

Cheesy 7 - When 6 Just Won't Do

Yet another local Pizza Hut abomination. I assume this had something to do with the Hong Kong Sevens, (which to the uninitiated is a seven-a-side rugby tournament that’s become the premier sports/carousing event in HK). I suppose the local marketing gurus thought they’d hit gold with this tie-in. ‘Cheesy 7’ has a nice ring to it-unless you know American slang of course. In the US cheesy can also mean overdone and/or inauthentic. But what about the meticulously assembled ‘7’ composed of the namesake cheese wedges? Now that’s quality. Actually that’s a ton of work for the poor designer tasked with constructing a ‘realistic’ rendering in Photoshop, but I digress.

Still, who wouldn’t want 7 different kinds of cheese on their pizza? Nowadays mere ‘mozzarella and a dusting of parmesan’ just doesn’t cut it for avant-garde pizza aficionados. But adding 5 more, including cream cheese? Wham! Now you’re talking! You’re talking about 1500 calories a slice…


Mandarin-Peel w/ Snake's Gall Juice - The Best Choice Souvenir

If you’re ever in Hong Kong, be sure to pick up some mandarin-peel w/ snake’s gall juice, an authentic local favorite, and the ‘best choice of hong kong souvenir’. Yep can’t walk ten feet without tripping over someone convulsing on the sidewalk, purplish froth drooling out between clenched teeth. Good for rebalancing the Qi apparently. And just look at that shiny comet underline - Its got to be the best!


De Showy Masquerade w/ Bubblegum Crown & Gold Foil Hair

Über star Aaron Kwok is at it again with a new concert/album/monstrosity. I can’t look at his ‘crown’ without being reminded me of a monstrous smear of freshly chewed bubblegum. Why anyone thought that pairing a pearlescent pink blob with gold foil-encrusted hair would look good is beyond me. It’s certainly ‘de showy’ I suppose. What’s scary is that by HK costume standards, this is rather understated...


They Already Have Ears

Some cute lil’ doggy outfits from the overly devoted folks at dogdogcollection. Seems its not enough to put your little mutant breed of choice into a Burberry sweater, cause they get sooo cold in subtropical HK. No, they now offer cute ‘outer dog’ suits in both pink and blue, and bunny suits as well, complete with cute lil’ bunny ears. Forgive me, but don’t dogs already have ears? Oh well, it’s not like logic comes into play here. And if you are going to spoil your already hyper-spoiled little prize as badly as dogdog’s customers do, then said dog should at least have to put up with some humiliation. How I’d love to hear the other dog’s commentary as they pass in the street; “Oooh, nice outfit, you pick that out yourself? And in baby blue too, really suits you....”