Fashionique

Denimholic

A Japanese fashion magazine(?) from HK airport. Apparently one can have too much exposure to high end jeans and skirts. Seems this poor soul is no exception, the unlikely but telling face of addiction. A tantalizing fabric indeed: so egalitarian yet elite, so casual yet couture, so cruel…

You see more and more of these forlorn beauties on the streets of Tokyo, their vulnerable anime eyes staring off into space, chewing their once immaculate manicures to the nub, in search of just one more hit of pricey denim…

Snuffaluffagus and/or Truffala Dress

A bus stop ad for ‘Entrepreneur’ magazine here in HK. Mostly in Cantonese so couldn’t read the cover girl’s name. Seems she likes to flaunt her hard-earned wealth by wearing dresses made of pink-dyed snuffaluffagus skins (though it looks a bit tatty for that - perhaps they screwed up the tanning process? Snuffaluffagus is notoriously delicate fur). Or is that truffula tree? Or scalps from those little troll pencils? Either way its obviously very expensive - and very entrepreneurial...

Purrdon Me, Sir

A t-shirt for sale in Maine. This could be forgiven in HK (almost) as the owner might not speak English well enough to get the pun (a term I use here in the technical sense only). But for a native speaker to wear this, even ironically, is the stuff of nightmares. That said, if you are going to have this on your shirt, having it spoken by a debonaire cat with a rakishly curled whisker mustache and sparkly tophat is better than nothing... actually it’s not.

beLIEve

A t-shirt for sale in SOGO. I honestly can’t decide if this is a fashion/chinglish disaster or an example of brilliant tongue-in-cheekiness. The jarring disconnect between the unicorn/rainbow motif (which would be worn unironically by your average HongKonger) and the tagline beLIEve is truly remarkable, especially by irony-blind HK standards. If it is intentional, then my opinion of at least one HK fashion designer has skyrocketed. If it isn’t, then it’s still a priceless example of unintentional, completely discombobulating irony at its finest...

Mr. Blean

From an iPhone shop in Causeway Bay. I was initially drawn to the hyper-bling assortment of iPhone covers; a few unique offerings sprinkled in with the usual hello kitty, disney and playboy knockoffs. Somehow I don’t think the bling ‘apple’ logo is legitimate either...

Anyway what really struck me was the bling coated bobble-head Mr. Bean in the lower left corner. Should he now be referred to as Mr. Blean? Bleang? Or is that last one simply too hard to pronounce? Looks like he’s come into some serious money recently, and has acquired up some proper swag, including a rakish nose stud, and what appear to be bling contacts...



Yes, Those ARE Bungie Cords

A huge recently taken down construction site billboard in Causeway Bay. Yes that really is a shredded bungie cord shawl. I have to give credit to whoever thought this one up though. It must be damned difficult to come up with any new or interesting fashion props for photoshoots, as just about very ‘normal’ idea has been beaten to death, resurrected, then beaten to death yet again. I will say that it has interesting color and texture, but they’re bungie cords. This one has to fall into ‘that’s not only silly, but probably really uncomfortable’ category. That thing must weigh 20 pounds. One bonus though - if that overly fierce looking model in need of a weapon, or is ever stuck out in the boonies and her bumper comes off, she’ll have an ample supply of bungies readily accessible...

Placenta Infiltration Therapy

A new skin treatment at a local spa. Bizarre enough phrasing to proudly stand alone, though it does make one wonder exactly whose placenta is being infiltrated, and how...

Bloody Luxury Rides a Pale Horse

A marketing prop at Juicy Couture in Harbour City TST. I am perpetually amazed at the time, effort, and expense some stores put into their window displays and instore paraphenalia, but these guys are a cut above, and this item is a cut above their usual lifesize suit of pink armor. There are few things that make me want to buy some edgy fashion for the wife quite like a fuschia-maned horse with ‘bloody luxury’ spraypainted on its side and haunches. I wonder if I can buy a horsehide purse with this slogan emblazoned on it as well -maybe even rendered in actual horse blood? Ironic and edgy, dare I say juicily so...

Swiss Reincarnation's Almighty Collagen

A new eye contour treatment from our friends at Suisse Reborn (Swiss Reincarnation doesn’t have the same mystique I suppose), the leading cyber-reincarnation experts. Just check out that futuristic ‘tron’ font! Looks like they’ve been able to tap into the power of The Almighty Him/Her/Itself, and now offer the same contouring product that allows the Godhead to maintain His/Her/Its immortally perfect skin...

Doctor Bag's Stove Pipe Corsets?

A magazine cover for Asian fashionistas. Apologies for the subtle starbucks sticker - can’t blame them for labeling their mags so people don’t walk off with them, although I don’t think they had to worry about this one being stolen. One would expect with a tagline of ‘Doctor Bag’ that they would display an actual, well, doctor’s bag, or at least a purse styled on the classic country doctor case, big and chunky with clasps and a handle etc. But apparently Doctor Bag has moved on to corsets made from aluminum gutter sections - or is that stove piping? Either way this has to be the most uncomfortable looking accessory I’ve ever seen; well top three at least. I assume Doctor Bag is male, as no woman would ever put a serrated border under the breast line. Or would they? After all, ‘beauty knows no pain’...

Yes, Hip Sporty + Entertainment = 1+1ORE Diamond Hockey Skates

Yet another wall-sized fashionista billboard at the WTC building. Possibly a nod to the burgeoning Canadian population here. Seems Hip Sporty + Entertainment = 1+1ORE (MORE). And nothing says ‘hip sporty’ like diamond-studded inline skates, hockey stick and puck, flawlessly polished marble rink floors, and ‘50s throwback attire. At least I hope that’s marble; not sure if the local ad agency realizes that inline skates don’t particularly well on ice. Reminds me of ‘McKenzie’s Inline Hockey Palace’ in Toronto, before the infamous 1957 ‘inline vs. ice’ hockey riots...

A Matching Purse Filled with the Finest Champagne

Another ad from WTC in Causeway Bay. Presenting another must-have accessory: a purse full of champagne, to match your ever-present champagne flute. Though I have to say that i didn’t see any butlers carrying trays of refills when i was last down there. So unprofessional.

I suppose the idea is to simply dip your glass into your purse, or perhaps pour it out the side, though it looks like the latch will make that a messy proposition. Better to simply drink from it directly, ala wineskins of old, or use a straw? I hope the purse is insulated, as a mouthful of warmed champagne would ruin the whole fantasy; the additional note of hot vinyl would no doubt throw off the champagne’s delicately balanced flavors...

Do You Wanna Dance with Me & My Mylar Tux?

An ad from Neway, a huge kareoke chain here. We just spent a surreal afternoon there for an impromptu going away party. The utterly bizarre and completely unrelated accompanying videos are worth the trip: the vintage 80’s hairstyle are amazing, and ‘New York New York’ featured footage of Amsterdam and the Southwest. Can’t imagine it’s hard to get footage of NYC, but I digress.

Anyway this billboard features one of the strangest tuxes I’ve ever seen - I’m guessing its paint-splattered Mylar, the same material in those silver florist balloons, but who knows? Maybe its especially space fabric designed to allow our heartthrob here to execute hyperkinetic ubermoves while crooning along with the latest cantopop schmaltz. The fabric cuts down the friction, but our hero runs a dangerous risk of collapsing from heat stroke, as the material mimics those shiny weight-loss suits on late night cable, and all that extra sweat pours down into his equally bizarre rainbow tinged reverse-winged shoes...

Tough Jeansmith Initiation?

A jeans/fashion outfit here in HK - seems to qualify to wear ‘Tough” jeans, one must first survive the initiation, which involves having both wrists tied to one ankle while fending off attackers with a claw hammer. At least they arm you, though it looks like this guy is getting the worst of it. He’s still on his feet though; just a few more minutes and he can qualify for the jean jacket combo, which I’m told involves handcuffs and industrial weed whackers...

Grapes 'n Lightning - a Winning Recipe for Cool Candy & Good Smell

A t-shirt on display in Causeway Bay. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming the Grapes is supposed to be the focused upon phrase. And yes I suppose grapes can be used in the production of cool candies, and they do have a pleasant if subtle smell. Something tells me these qualites weren't foremost on the designer's mind here. No doubt they were distracted by the purple lightning bolt motif patterning. Oh wait! Grapes struck by lightning produces cool candy and a good smell (carbonized grape jelly?) . I totally get it now...

Bling Belt with Matching Bling Belt Fretboard Guitar

An ad from WTC in Causeway Bay. The developers have spared no expense in promoting their mall, from 3 story high billboards to exclusive fashion shoots. But they've really outdone themselves here. Presenting the ultimate matching accessory for a bling belt - an electric guitar with another bling encrusted belt fused onto the fretboard. A bit awkward to carry around all day, and obviously you can't play it, but as the saying goes, beauty knows no pain. Beauty also knows virtually nothing about actually playing guitar; one can imagine the shredded fingertips after a session with this monstrosity. Of course you'd have to string it first....

Beauty Smile Trainer

A product shot sent over by my friend Mark (sorry, can't call you mate as I'm American). Good news for women afflicted with a smile that makes them look like they have mild case of diarrhea, or have just committed a minor faux paus (see below). Because now there's... Beauty Smile Trainer, an exciting new technology from Japan, the world leader in flesh toning contraptions, and products that look like sex toys, but with no obvious application. Two tapered ends?

But I digress. Seems all the weak smile sufferer has to do is place this bar in their mouth(?) and diligently work their underdeveloped smile muscles, and viola'. I assume that you need to be careful not to overdo it, lest you end up looking like Jack Nicholson as the Joker, or even worse, Julia Roberts...

Age? So What!

A billboard in Causeway Bay, exhorting older women to defy their fear of aging by preying upon their fear of... aging. Initially I included this for the utterly baffling exclamation point. After all HK is saturated with such ads, invariably displaying a svelte 110 pound starlet who used to weigh a shocking 125. While this kind of marketing is hardly unique to HK, they do seem to take it a bit too far here. Take for example the featured image: what appears to be a defiant shot across the bow of decrepitude–look she's 45 and chewing bubble gum!–its actually a shot at 45 year old women, who will (gasp) look their age unless they utilize the latest miracle slimming and skin-rejuvenation treatments...

Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lipolysis & Breast Ho Ching Magic Solution

One of the many slimming centres here in HK. Most offer the usual wraps or kneading machines. But for a mere $888 HKD (wow three 8s - so lucky! What a coincidence!) Perfect Shape Club unveils Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lipolysis™. Certainly sounds impressive; actually rather intimidating. Definitely don't want this kind of technology in the wrong hands. What if terrorists were able to remove your body fat from the outside? Well I suppose they wouldn't be very effective terrorists...





I couldn't find any additional explanations for the procedure, except that the 'shock wave type is electromagnetic'. But as usual the Cantonese website provided some other priceless translations. Seems Perfect Shape will be offering product stations at various local malls, where spokesmodels can be seen "...playing hula hoop and jump rope...

There'll also be "more on Breast Ho Ching magic solution." I wonder if they'll be applying that down at the mall? I'm sure they'd have a few male volunteers...

They use a patented 'Stovepipe approach' to slimness, with a 'banana diet can be used Lai!' 'The focus of this banana diet is breakfast any bananas from time restrictions, is that simple! ... a lot of Women with fat because of gastrointestinal or bad, Just think, food... (Wow. Just think, food... so zen).

And finally they 'will provide 6 large overeating obesity for overeating caused by large accumulation of fat induced obesity(?). And for the more stubborn cases, the promise that 'Miss Yip's [will lean into the] power cases...'

Smart Says No, Stupid Says YES

A window ad in Central. I didn't get a chance to cross the street and check it out, but I did check the internets later. Seems Diesel has gone with an full bore campaign based on the memorable tag line "Be Stupid"...



They even suggest several acts of rank stupidity, such as this gem:



One can only hope that their clientele don't really try stepping into oncoming cars with a traffic cone over their heads, but who knows? Perhaps getting struck by an SUV (or even better a Mini Cooper) in the name of fashion by is smartest/stupidest way to insure immortality, to truly be 'tragically hip'...

Alexander III The Great Shopped Here

A men's clothing store in TST. Apparently during his excursions to India Alexander went a bit further afield, no doubt lured by a Pakistani street hawker who approached him (in a direct but courteous manner) with tales of quality suits at outrageous prices. Later he found this humble shop, filled with stylish polo shirts and smart casual slacks. He ordered 14,000 button downs for himself and his troops, all at a truly reasonable discount...

Night Bomber G Cup

A sign in Causeway Bay for a breast enlargement supplement, the famed 'Night Bomber G'. Yes now all you small breasted women can utilize the power of modern science to 'reposition your arm and back fat into your breast tissue' and activate your 'lact gene receptors', thus increasing your bra size from B to G overnight.



No really - says so right there on the internet, and they have the scientific terms to prove it. From some other online ad copy: "Saggy Breasts?? If you are one of the millions of women who suffer from the embarassment of small breasts, then Night Bomber can change your life. Impact occurs when you are sleeping; From a well-known study, It is making the extra fat from the back and arms to move to the bust... when the bust rise hormone is discharged and it awakens." Note the handy arrows below which illustrate how and where the fat is moving. Seems to have worked wonders in this case...



More hard medical backup follows:" ...not can be satisfied with just that, you observe to also the “lact gene receptor”... 3 completion long hormones of L-[orunichin], L-[ariginin] and the gabardine (gabardine?) stimulating from inside the bust, it assures volume rise. While sleeping, making the lact gene receptor expand in the mammary gland, it is the mechanism which becomes enormous..."

Well there you have it. A watertight scientific proof of how it works. My personal favorite ingredient is 'gabardine'. Apparently in addition to providing dapper suit fabric, it stimulates bust interiors as well. Who knew? Well Night Bomber G scientists, thats who...

-40˚Freeze Dried Perfection

A rather brutal but effective new treatment from the beauty experts over at Fancl. Seems all you need to preserve that eternally youthful complexion is a blast of -40˚ C freeze dry (-40˚Fahrenheit as well, surprisingly enough). Of course there's a minor downside - your face becomes as fragile as those liquid nitrogen-dipped flowers they're always shattering in HD commercials. So yes your skin looks flawless, but don't smile - not even a self-satisfied smirk. As the saying goes, 'beauty knows no pain', but beauty never had to clean up freeze-dried cheek fragments...



Fasten Support Juice and Daidai Diet

A diet/slimming product at a local beauty shop. There are tons of slimming salons and diet products here, but few have the pedigree of the exclusive Fasten Club. Exactly what is being 'fastened' isn't exactly clear, but this juice apparently supports the process. Combined with the Daidai (die-die?) diet, club members can expect the pounds to just... fasten away?

SPLUX

A fashion/luxury/lifestyle magazine here in HK. There are a ton of these publications here in HK, though this one has the most unique name i've come across. I assume they were going for a nifty play on 'lux', but splux sounds like sexual slang for the byproduct from an unmentionable sex act. Seem this issue highlights that 'legend of glory' himself, one Bruce Rockowitz(?). Never heard of him, but then I'm not into splux...

1 of 480 Must Haves - the White Bible

A bus stop billboard from Jessica, a fashion mag here in HK. Still not sure if its named after HK starlet Jessica (like Oprah's O magazine in the US) or if they just decided that its a trendy sounding moniker. Anyway I was struck by the '480 must haves'. One cannot get by with a mere 479 essentials. And no such list is complete without a 'White BIble'. I assume this is a guide to wearing white, but perhaps its a guide to acting white, complete with mayonnaise recipes, outdated street slang, ideal wrangler jeans/college sweatshirt combinations, and the location of every TGIFriday's in the contiguous 48 states...

Diligent Fungus Miracle Slimming

A bus side ad for yet another diet/slimming product here in HK. There is huge business in slimming products and treatments here, involving various exotic creams and questionable procedures, but this has to take top spot (for brand name recognition if nothing else). Hard to beat 'diligent fungus', even if the thought of willingly applying a relentless mold on your skin is more than a bit unsettling...



I've yet to find a better street shot, but I did manage to find this web banner ad. Seems Jen here depends on it to loose 20 lbs. in one month. Wow - that is miraculous. One hopes that she means 20 pounds of fat, and not, say, internal organs or brain tissue. Hate to have a bunch of 'invasion of the bodysnatcher' types shuffling about HK, pointing at chubby ladies who obviously haven't succumbed and unleashing that unearthly scream...

A Little Too Original

From the Adidas Originals store in Causeway Bay, a billboard to 'celebrate originality' (of course one shouldn't be so original as to not purchase trendy adidas products, but I digress). Originality is all well and good, but making a cuddly hat out of an eviscerated teddy bear (note the stuffing strewn behind our hero) is moving beyond original into disturbing, perhaps even budding serial killer. Makes me wonder if that's just a wig in front of him, or something far more 'original'...

Dancing Wolves Vs. Septwolves

Two clothing outlets in Yangshou - the bitter rivals Dancing Wolves and Septwolves. Not sure if september wolves is a reference to some uprising or revolution, or an obscure Chinese folktale. Nasty looking wolf though (doesn't look good on a polo shirt) in marked contrast to the suave film noir icon for 'dancing'. I'm guessing dancing wolves is more for sweetly dangerous ladykillers, ready to sweep a dame off her feet with some hard-nosed, soft-hearted detective work, while septwolves goes for the aggressive 'hunting in packs' type, usually seen at sports bars or a Hooters happy hour, howling for more chicken wings and twofer pitchers, making endless boorish passes at the long suffering waitresses. You don't want to be on the streets when a pack of septwolves stumbles upon some dancing wolves; the dancers swinging in to deliver some ironic oneliners and solid uppercuts, the septwolves gangtackling, spewing sports analogies and Schwarzenegger quotes...



Adivon Originals

A new store in Yangshuo, home of those iconic jungle-covered, mist shrouded outcroppings you always see in Chinese paintings (and yes they really do look that way). Maybe it just me, but this up-and-coming Chinese brand bears more than a passing resemblance to adidas. Hmmm... its almost like they took a chunk of the logo and turned it 90 degrees, and used an identical font. Or perhaps a young entrepeneur named Adi Vonsler (or Vonsler Adi to use the asian convention) decided to follow his passion, just like a young german named Adi Dassler. Coincedence? Harmonic convergence? Or blatant copyright violation? You decide...

Enjoy The Game! (In Your Relaxing Bulletproof Vest)

An ad from one of the soccer sites I occasionally peruse. Seems for a mere $USD 69.95 you can get the '#1 personal protection body armour for the world cup 2010'. Nothing says 'sit back and relax' quite like the constant chafing presence of a bulky kevlar vest. You'll soon forget you're wearing it! No doubt you'll also soon forget to look behind you every 2.4 seconds for possible kidnappers, or check everyone's hands within 150 sq meters, or triangulating sniper positions, or vaguely bulging bags, or those suspicious (and admittedly damned annoying) plastic trumpets, or half drunk cups of beer placed 'accidentally' beside you.. just relax and enjoy the game!

More Style Today Than Yesterday

A small 'hallway' store in Causeway Bay. Interesting name, but judging by the empty hooks, I guess they didn't have much style yesterday either...

Hootchy Kootchy (Keep Your Socks On)

A pair of socks for sale at a stall in North Point. I hope this one is intentional, as its pretty cheeky (as sock names go anyway). Of course thats assuming you know what 'hootchie cootchie' means; in the US at least its dated slang for having sex, originally the name of a ribald faux belly dance craze in the late 1800s. Anyway it seems the good people at Wai Shun Socks Knitting Factory (Ltd) want you to have said sex with your socks on, which would obviously be great for business. According to their sales blurb online, these socks are 'ladies computerised patterned... unique designed socks with smooth and soft feeling... easy to match with various dress code'. I guess if your dress code consists of just socks, then yes they do match rather well...

M-XXXXXXL

A sign in Wanchai advertising the sizes available at a local fashion outlet. For those who've wondered where those unfortunate 1,000 pounders get their clothes, perhaps here's your answer. I've had to buy XXL here on occasion (the 'Asian XL', as they call it here, is actually between to a M and L in the US). So even assuming US sizes, if you weigh over 500 lbs. your sh*t out of luck. I think this signage may backfire though; can't imagine a plus-size clientele appreciate the ever-expanding size of the Xs...

The Largest Lifestyle Hypermall in Malaysian Borneo

From the Kota Kinabalu tourist map. Borneo is known for its orangutans and headhunters, but its the world famous 'lifestyle hypermalls' that really pack in the tourists. And this is the largest of them all, dwarfing the other 58 in the province. These hypermalls exist in at least 8 extra dimensions, allowing innocuous looking complexes like this to hold over 38,000 stores...

Bling Bling Revolution

A store sign in Causeway Bay. I too believe it is time for a revolution in bling bling - for too long the women of HK have been forced to wear dull pewter necklaces, cubic zirconium jewelry and mouseskin stoles. It's time for 24K gold by the pound, 2" wide jade bracelets, and diamond collared mink coats. Of course there have already been several such revolutions here - to say nothing of the infamous sequin encrusted t-shirt and silvery stretchpants rebellions - but I digress...

Crystal. Winkie. Regen. Cheeky Girl.

A bus stop ad for Hotcha's latest album, Shall We Shall We Dance Love. Interesting band name too; the term 'hotcha' was big about what, 70 years ago? Why not call yourselves 'flapper', or 'charleston'? Anyway the titles etc are pretty tame by HK standards; its the list of names at the lower right that got my attention. Seems we have Crystal, Winkie, and Regen, Cheeky Girls all. Perhaps they are all rather cheeky individually, but collectively form a singularity of pure Cheeky Girl energy, ready to be unleashed in a veritable Dance Love explosion. Shall we shall we? Oh yes, we shall...

Prada Mind Control

A rather bizarre Prada (even by their standards) sunglass ad. Apparently wearing these will allow Prada to broadcast 'flashes of inspiration' directly into your brain, as illustrated by a circa 1970 radar antenna and bolt of lightning; well its a working theory anyway...

Girlish Pretty + Delicacy = 1+1(M)ORE

Two huge billboards on the WTC arcade in Causeway Bay. The tagline - and the bizarre outfits - epitomize HK's ongoing quest for girly cuteness and uberfashion. If only some brave fashion outlet would combine the two... Quite a combo as well - pillbox hat, old world parisian ruffles, chaste schoolgirl ankle socks, and 5" heels with yard-long bows.



There's another towering ad outside. I'm guessing this one is based on a Victorian harlequin lamp - haute indeed. Wonder if that golden light really shines down from the lampshade/skirt though...

Apparently 'Haute Couture + Lifestyle = MORE' also. Note that the 'M' is actually a stylized 1+1, for reasons known only to the ad agency. So... according to my admittedly rusty arithmetic... girlish pretty + delicacy = 1+1(m)ore = haute couture + lifestyle. Any questions?



Monomaniacal

An aptly named metrosexual(?) salon in Wanchai. They apparently do manicures, discreet waxings, and eyebrow plucking, as well as the perfect 'bedhead/anime' and 'swooping/baby curl' haircuts. Can't think of a better moniker considering their clientele though; I guess "Narcissism" was taken...

Pinches Under the Arms a Bit...

An Eyedontist (clever name) poster in Causeway Bay. Looks like someone actually went to the trouble of assembling an entire corset made from high end sunglasses. One of those ads that looks compelling at first, then leaves you scratching your head; what is this trying to say (or sell) exactly? Anyway I hope for the model's sake they included a liner of some sort, otherwise the discomfort of actually wearing this hard plastic contraption must've been incalculable...

In the Future, Catcher's Masks For All

An old shot from Macau I stumbled across this weekend. According to this watch, err timepiece, retailer, in the future all men will wear body armor (eerily similiar to Cylons in the original Battlestar Galactica) and don catcher's masks - yes from American baseball, all you cricketeers; no floppy hats and sweater vests in the 22nd century. And complimenting this potent protection is thier laser shielded, vacuum proofed timepiece - which you can still snorkel with, to a depth of 3 meters! It seems Mad Max got it all wrong - no mohawks, dreadlocks or hockey masks. Just exquisite catcher's apparel. And watches.

Who's Dope? The Bro5, That's Who

A poster for the 'Who's Dope' dance competition. It seems some in HK have wholeheartedly embraced street dance culture (if 'culture' is the correct term) right down to the ludicrous names - Tommy x Bro5? Is that supposed to be a play on 'bros'? And the tagline - 'Dance Forever in my Life'? God I hope not.

Anyway do we really need a competition to determine who is in fact dope? It seems all the dancers represented here are living incarnations... manifested in their recycled breakdancing moves, faux gang signs, sparkly shirts, hats worn at rakish angles, and of course baggy jeans belted well below the pelvis.

I must confess I'm a bit concerned that too much dope will be concentrated in one place during the 'final'. Usually the hyper-dope crew assembled to judge spread out the dope to manageable levels across the planet (unlike our friends at the Hong Kong Funky Dance Centre, who seem to want a concentrated funk implosion - the fools). Could we see the unintentional creation of fusion right here in HK, powered not by deuterium reactors, but dope?

'80s Stoner Chick Returns

This is another window display from our friends at AnotherFCK, the hipster geniuses behind the "Dream World" geek posted last month; it seems they're now playing up the classic '80s stoner chick. I especially like the matted-hairspray look matched with the monstrous flower clip. Now you too can act heavily sedated and/or bored out your mind while hanging out in the school pot dealer's basement. Then its off to combat the munchies with some nasty 7-11 nachos, followed by some serious bitching about angst, suburbia, and that weird smell coming from the couch.

JESSI'CAR' - For Car-Loving Fashionistas

Wow. It seems the publishers of JESSICA (a fashionique highend magazine here in HK) have done my work for me. Not much to add to 'car-loving fashionistas'... to say nothing of cleverly adding 'car' to the end of JESSICA - a masterstroke of wordplay.

'Glammario'

This impressive little icon graces the window of a shoe shop here in Happy Valley. I was never a fan of the whole Mario Brothers/Donkey Kong thing; in fact I found it's popularity quite perplexing, especially considering the fact that it a) made no f**king sense, even as video games go, or b) it had the most annoying music and sound effects ever created.

Still someone obviously liked Mario enough to purchase a diamond/rhinestone encrusted version of him, apparently in the hope that it will help sell shoes(?). I wonder if any of the women browsing the various pumps and stilettos here are swayed by Glammario. Maybe they also sell the whole outfit in ladies sizes - nothing says glam or 'tricked out' like a bejeweled paperboy hat, overalls and work boots. Somewhere there's an evil "glamwario' plotting to pry those precious gems off our beleaguered hero. And yes the fact that I know there is an 'anti-mario' called wario - despite my best efforts to avoid such useless info - is quite annoying to me.

Pursuit WIll Go By 18 Wheels!

Another t-shirt from North Point - Pursuit WIll Go By This! I like the Old Glory trailer, but the tricked out NASCAR truck cab cranks it up a gear; check out the ground effects. I wonder if the cab has a 'Calvin & Hobbes' sticker, with a maliciously grinning Calvin urinating on the hated #84. What or who is actually being pursued is not clear, but whoever it is better be ready for a goddamn ass-kickin'. Good to see some 'friends don't let friends drive chevy's" spirit alive and well so far from the heartland, err, homeland. I'd love to watch the pursuee's panicked eyes as he/she/it checks their rearview mirror, and sees #83 roaring up his tailpipe, bearing down with a special delivery of Stars and Stripes and a little thing we like to call freedom...

Happy Mexican Girly

A poster for Liz Liza's spring collection at SOGO, the new 'happy mexican girly' line. These ladies are on the forefront of human-anime hybrids, carrying the Japanese fetish for big eyes to its logical extreme. Indeed its now all the rage for 'girly' - hypercute Asian women - to sport contact lenses with enlarged pupils and sparkly irises. This is supposed to make the eyes look even larger and anime-esque. I've seen a few kids in HK wearing them, and its a bit unsettling up close; they look like more frightened than cute, and they seem unable to see peripherally. Apparently several eye doctors have come out against them, as your real pupil can't deal with the extra light etc. Alas beauty knows no pain, as they say.

Out of curiosity I googled Liz Lisa - the website I found is mostly in Japanese, but from what I could gather it seems the spring collection is bereft of actual 'mexican' designs. Heaps of 'happy' and 'girly' though...

Some Very Happy Beach Toys

This is a store window for a new boutique in Happy Valley. I looked up Anna Rita N, which turns out to be a high end Italian fashionique outfit. The ad campaign is from Italy, so I that lets the locals off the hook so to speak. I was literally stopped in my tracks by this one - not by the model and her admittedly distracting legs, but by the bizarre inclusion of blowup clownfish at her feet. They really seem to appreciate the upskirt view, and she seems happy to engage in a little exhibitionism. Not sure what or who this is supposed to entice; voyeuristic beach toy fetishists? Leg aficionados with a hidden desire to be Nemo?

The Dream World Beckons...

This is a poster for AnotherFCK, a hipster clothing store that specializes in unearthing ungodly '80s retro and then unleashing it upon unsuspecting 21st century fashionistas. This ensemble is the aimed at the 'hypergeek' set I suppose. Honestly who would wear this outfit - shiny red pants with a drawstring? And complimented by purple geek frames? And his turtle-like head and bad 5th grade haircut don't help.

Its also one of those unintentionally hilarious taglines that makes me wonder if the ad agency was tweaking their HK clients. 'The dream world' seems an apropos title: Enter the dream world if you dare, where this outfit turns heads and melts hearts; the dream world, where this guy doesn't get beat up at lunch on general principal; the dream world, where he is not a virgin but in fact gets laid constantly back at his bachelor pad, with old-school Devo playing in the background - Whip it Good for the act itself, followed by a post-coital cuddle rendition of Beautiful World...

Let Them Eat Tracksuits

The latest HK ad campaign from our hyper-fashionable friends at Juicy Couture. They've expanded their velvet tracksuit collection far beyond previous incarnations (noteworthy for with the always eye-catching word 'juicy' emblazoned across the ass).

This season we have a veritable rainbow of colors to choose from, and if the peasantry can't afford $1000 USD tracksuits, well they can always eat last year's scrap. Usually referencing Marie-Antionette is a bad idea, but a goodly portion of their clientele probably aspires to her level of obscene luxury and naive indolence. I also like the incongruous inclusion of matching surfboards. Velvet and sand don't mix particularly well; one can never to get the sand out, no matter how much one's servants brush...

What the F**k? Of Street Art, Dental Exams & Impossible Objects

This is by far the strangest - and most disturbing - street art I've ever seen. I've come across far more violent, grotesque etc, but nothing this surreal. I'm not versed in street tagging, but this is fu**ed up. I also couldn't find anything remotely close to it on the web. Where to begin? Well first off, there's the Escher 'impossible object' triangles; why are they 'centered' on the dental exam? Why use dentist's hands and implements in the first place? The '70s hair model doesn't look like she's being tortured, or in any discomfort at all really.

So what is this trying to be - or say? And why did the other taggers leave it so pristine? Is 'BUB ChBUB the creator of this abomination? Seriously any ideas and/or wild guesses would be much appreciated.

Update: Today I got a much closer look at this. It's actually been plastered to the wall like an old time circus poster, and there's a signature of sorts, the 'XD' in the upper right hand corner. Unfortunately I couldn't find anything new about it though...

Hong Kong Funky Dance Centre

This is a billboard for The Hong Kong Funky Dance Centre in Wanchai. Every metropolis worth its 'funk' should have a locus for cutting edge (choking edge?) funky dancing. This place radiates funky energy; I found myself pop-and-locking and flashing faux gang signs just looking at the signage from three blocks away. Thankfully the centre is miles away from the lesser known but still potent 'Hong Kong Polka Dance Centre', otherwise the two styles would annihilate each other on contact. Believe me you don't want to be in the vicinity when a chicken dancer and pop-and-locker physically touch...

As you can see, the most prominent strains of funky dance are represented; just check out that funkity funk crew. For the men there's funky ballroom (note the suave turtleneck), hip-hop badass (must be tough to dance in a wool hat in HK, but funky dance knows no pain - and takes no prisoners), and music video/solid gold dancer (with complimentary frosted highlights). And for the ladies, err, well it looks like they get ballroom midriff, hiphop midriff, or solid gold midriff.

That's Crime Prevenient Specialist Andraw Cruz, Sr. To You, Pal

I usually refrain from taking pictures of people, and rarely do so without their permission, but I rode behind this gentleman on a long escalator, and became entranced with his faux NYPD hoodie. Not only is he sporting some hard-hitting urban fashion, but he gets serious extra points for the truly unrivaled level of detail, even if he's got a few misspellings. He's got Officer Cruz's full name (should be 'andrew' I'll wager), honorific, rank, ('prevenient' isnt' a word), address, precinct, even a fax number. I wonder what he thinks as he dons his precious adornment: Eat this you lame-ass amateurs, with your pathetic NYPE trucker hats. I have actual Brooklyn phone numbers, goddammit - Hell I could send a fax to my homie in NYC right now - thats what homies like myself call New York City... yes that New York, located in New York Lower State, US of A. Word. Word and numbers. Piece.

True Fashionistas Know Scientific Names

This is a poster for Kwanpen crocodile skin bags at (yet another) high-end purse boutique in HK. I was struck by their inclusion of the crocodile's scientific name; somehow I don't think that your average fashionista is aware of the binomial nomenclature for her $5000 USD bag, but then again maybe that's whats separates the truly discerning shopper from the riffraff. Can you imagine being seen with a bag made from Crocodylus Australis? Oh the raised eyebrows would be unbearable...

She'll Regret That Tattoo Later...

I came across this at one of the local pharmacies. Not sure what the Statue of Liberty and eyeliner have in common, but it does make for an damn inspirational tattoo, even if it is temporary. I think I'll get the male equivalent between my shoulder blades, perhaps a Washington Monument with 'Lectric Shave 2009' emblazoned below. I wonder if she had her eyeliner tattooed as well; that would at least save her the 45 minutes it must take to apply a 1/2 inch thick line of mascara...

YUBZ, YUSUK; Retro at its Worst

I came upon this wondrous invention in the city'super design store. I'm guessing that YUBZ stands for 'you buzz'; also I assume these can also be found being dragged around soho (NYC, not HK) and other painfully fashionable environs. Apparently someone hit on the ingenious idea of making a cell phone earpiece into an actual-size old school handset - so much for decades of miniaturization and technological breakthroughs. Note the convenient belt and backpack carrier options below. I think this will do well with those who are now assaulting our sensibilities with day-glo 80's sweaters and leg warmers - not a good idea then, criminal now.

This would be kind of funny, if not for the uber-hipster niche marketing. Honestly why not get a WWII backpack radio transmitter and haul that around Manhattan (ironically of course) or perhaps an iPod with an RKO gramophone tulip mounted on your shoulder. How fashionique!