Cookie Moon Doggie Spa

I Will Ascend to Poodle Heaven on Cyan Blue Wings

As you may have surmised from my previous posts, I am no fan of poodles (or yippy little dogs in general). Honestly my time in HK has only solidified my disdain for them, even moreso their owners. After all these dogs didn’t ask to be bred into mutant sizes and pampered, though most seem to enjoy it, even act entitled to it. But this is the first time I’ve actually felt genuinely sorry for a poodle:



Yes those are supposed to be angelic wings shaved and dyed into its back. Whoever committed this atrocity this must also know about printing, because they’ve chosen three of the ‘Holy Quadrality’ print colors - cyan, magenta, and yellow (this is the ‘CMYK’ that non-designers always ask about, the K standing for black).

ANYWAY, back to the travesty above. Is it not enough that you shave little balls and frillies into the thing’s coat? Must you also dye its ears and tail pink? Must you give it blue angel wings? I often wonder if other dogs snicker at this stuff, and if the afflicted poodle secretly hates its owner for the public humiliation. Probably not, as they are being chauffeured by a personal attendant in their own private stroller at the time...

They Already Have Ears

Some cute lil’ doggy outfits from the overly devoted folks at dogdogcollection. Seems its not enough to put your little mutant breed of choice into a Burberry sweater, cause they get sooo cold in subtropical HK. No, they now offer cute ‘outer dog’ suits in both pink and blue, and bunny suits as well, complete with cute lil’ bunny ears. Forgive me, but don’t dogs already have ears? Oh well, it’s not like logic comes into play here. And if you are going to spoil your already hyper-spoiled little prize as badly as dogdog’s customers do, then said dog should at least have to put up with some humiliation. How I’d love to hear the other dog’s commentary as they pass in the street; “Oooh, nice outfit, you pick that out yourself? And in baby blue too, really suits you....”

Passion on Poodle - You Only Cry Once...

A poodle breeder etc. in Causeway Bay. Gaite means 'gaiety' in French. While one imagines they don't actually sell gay poodles, passion on poodle is a painfully poor choice of copy. Suffice it to say they were a tad naive when they wrote it up? Anyway they sell very, very expensive poodles (and poodle bling), which are popular in HK though not as much as other precious yippy breeds.



They also have another sign close by (unfortunately is obscured in this shot). It says buy the best you only cry once. How true, especially in the take-no-prisoners world of poodle gaiety. Choose poorly and you may well be stuck with merely content (heureux), or mildly amused (légèrement amusé)...


Dogs Go Wacko for Schmackos

More preposterous doggie snacks, these imported from the US. Like the world needs 'real meat' doggie snacks, or like most dogs care about things like flavor. Of course here in HK you'd find some yappy little emperor pampered enough to turn down 'fake' liver (or anything less than truffled filet mignon for that matter) but I digress...

Perhaps they're going for a more kosher angle, with the Yiddish name and authentic liverwurst tang. One of those ideas that makes me wonder if the creators have any sense of humor. I assume they've got TV spots lined up as well, with a gravel-voiced, spittle-spraying spokesdog ... "And remember kidschsss - dogsss go wacko for sscchhhmackosss!" Then they squeegee off the camera, and cut to a mouth-watering pile of dessicated straps of liver. Fadeout. Magic.

Dog Owners Don't Give a Crap

I continue to be struck by the ridiculous level of attention (and money) people lavish on dogs here, but the laziness and arrogance of their owners is even more stunning. For every 'responsible' owner or helper who carries baggies and a squirt bottle to (marginally) clean up after their pet, there seem to be two more who leave it for someone else. Of course they then glare defiantly at anyone unfortunate enough to witness thier pet shitting on the sidewalk, like they are not culpable, but actually entitled to leave feces wherever they please. Hell why not just take a dump in the street yourself? What's the difference really? And who are you to point out that shitting in the street isn't such a good idea? They own a dog, thank you very much...

As with most major cities (though not Tokyo I noticed) dog shit in the streets and parks is a constant nuisance in HK. The (unfortunately) few areas clearly marked 'no dogs allowed' are quickly taken over by dogs anyway, and their owners bristle when politely reminded of the sign they just walked past. They seem to genuinely believe they are exempt from such silly things as laws or public hygiene.

I have no intrinsic hatred of dogs - i actually feel sorry for some of the more freakish breeds - but i have developed an intense dislike for city dog owners. As I tell my daughters when pressed to get one ourselves: dogs are much happier in the country or the woods, not cooped up in a flat all day. They are not meant to be in cities, and their owners (with obvious exceptions - the elderly, 'seeing eye' etc) - can't expect everyone else to indulge their selfishness, ignorance or vanity.

The Sumptuous Delights of Paw Palace

These are some the sumptuous spa treatments available at the Paw Palace in Causeway Bay. Quite the majestic logo by the way, cleverly incorporating the paw in to the crown - nice work. Our little Princess can start with clay pack therapy (I actually felt sorry for that terrier, doesn't look like much fun). Then its time for a microbubble jacuzzi bath (normal 'macrobubbles' are for peasants), and then finally some hair extensions for that 'Christina Aquilera Skank' look that's all the rage this season.





Back to Basics - With a Beowulf Mastiff

This poster hangs outside the largest pet store in Happy Valley. It exhorts us to get 'back to basics', and what could be more basic than your very own 200 lb. beowulf mastiff. If your definition of 'basic' is 'pony-sized killing machine with a cinderblock sized head', then this is the breed for you.

P.A.W.S.

Contrary to popular belief in the US, Hong Kongers do not eat dogs, but In fact coddle and pamper them on a level unparalleled anywhere else (save perhaps rodeo drive or 5th avenue). Upscale dog spas and boutiques flourish here, as do dog only bakeries and salons. While yippie little pedigree dogs are still the rule, one still sees larger expensive breeds, especially in Happy Valley. There are malamutes and and pristine huskies, as well as the occasional afghan. Why anyone would subject a malamute - which is for all intents and purposes an arctic wolf - to a subtropical climate is beyond me, but then again people have no problem breeding shihtzus into noseless mutants. And of course dogs love nothing more than to be dressed in unbearably cute outfits, like the posh wedding couple below. Quite the fetching bride, to say nothing of the dapper bridegroom. I can't help but wonder what 'P.A.W.S.' stands for though. Pathetic Animal Worship Syndrome?