Mane 'n Tail Shampoo. Now You Can Have Your Horses' Lustrous Shine

A popular shampoo used by starlets and wannabes throughout HK. I was going to file this under 'Super English Force' as yet another poor choice of product name, but this is really is mane and tail shampoo. For horses.



From the company website:



One of the odder splash pages you'll come across. Honestly how many companies give personal and animal care options? Also I love the little horse name in the lower right hand corner: Anton 343; interesting name for a horse. Does he know Andre 3000? Sadly the model didn't get her name up too. Anyway more from the website FAQ: Mane ‘n Tail products were originally developed for horses. Horse owners reported seeing significant improvement in the health and appearance of their horses’ manes and tails. Similar results were seen when horse owners and groomers used the products on themselves (wouldn't you?). This was the beginning of the Mane ‘n Tail legend. They also have a nail care solution called Hoofmaker, So not only can you get lustrous shine with Mane n' Tail, but you can also clean up those split nails after a hard day of riding and/or wagon pulling...

Passion on Poodle - You Only Cry Once...

A poodle breeder etc. in Causeway Bay. Gaite means 'gaiety' in French. While one imagines they don't actually sell gay poodles, passion on poodle is a painfully poor choice of copy. Suffice it to say they were a tad naive when they wrote it up? Anyway they sell very, very expensive poodles (and poodle bling), which are popular in HK though not as much as other precious yippy breeds.



They also have another sign close by (unfortunately is obscured in this shot). It says buy the best you only cry once. How true, especially in the take-no-prisoners world of poodle gaiety. Choose poorly and you may well be stuck with merely content (heureux), or mildly amused (légèrement amusé)...


Santa Prefers a Light Smoke...

From a web sidebar ad. Seems Santa prefers a lighter smoke after a long eve of deliveries. Understandable considering he's already weighed down by several million cookies and gallons of spiked eggnog; just needs to unwind a bit after his hectic night. This is the one night when Mrs. Claus won't begrudge a cig at least. It is toasted after all...

Yumi Skinjet - Now with French Pressure Tut New Radio Technology

A bus-side ad for the latest in slimming technology from Dr. Renew, the 'Yumi Skinjet'. The web translation claims it utilizes 'French pressure Tut new radio technology (!) without needles, recognized and awarded by the U.S. FDA, American scientists patent awards, SKINJET to speed in 0.01 seconds, between the moment the essence of liquid mist into the skin in depth from 3.2 to 9.1 mm underlying the skin, skin can be completely absorbed.'

Well if it has American scientists working on it, it must be safe! I guess the depth of the 'essence of liquid mist' is key here - deadly over 9.2mm, but Dr. Renew is a trusted professional and knows his way around a French pressure Tut radio. Still why not go one better? How about a 'Belgian Ramses hyperwind tunnel' generating Mach 5 airspeeds, forcing the subcutaneous fat cells into a slimmer, more aerodynamic shape? Or not...

Tri-Chromatic Cohering Extravaganza Paraphrasis Together Similarly. OK?

A sign for a wedding/image consultant in Causeway Bay. Yet another case of nifty words haphazardly strung together for maximum effect. Still its true that a tri-chromatic cohering extravaganza combined with a paraphrasis can really kick your wedding up a notch...

Love in a Puff

A romantic comedy here in HK. I haven't (and never will, to be honest) see this movie, so I can't attest to its merits. I've seen commercials though, and from what I can gather, the guy buys cigarettes from a 7-11, and his suave smoking becomes a metaphor for whimsical romance - or something. Again what got my attention was the name - one of those titles that makes you wonder if the translator is having some fun at his clients expense. Love in a jiffy? an eyeblink? Love of righteous weed? Of secondhand smoke?

GWEATSPORT

A window poster for a mainland fitness clothing store. I'm assuming they were trying for 'greatsport', but who knows, maybe they decided to incorporate 'sweat' into the name, so gweat is a combination of the too(?) Note that this was taken from an escalator, so in reality her head isn't quite so disturbingly skewed...

NOT... Mountain Range? Sphinx Label?

A Chinese knockoff I stumbled across in North Point. Yet another case of someone with just enough knowledge of English to be dangerous. Sure 'mountain range' is potentailly apropos for a camo backpack, and 'sphinx label' certainly has a touch of ancient mystery (if not modern coherence), but calling your product 'NOT...' is bit confusing. Not... what? Quality? Good for backpacking? Bulletproof? Still they are technically correct: this pack is NOT a mountain range...

The Cyber King of Keys

A poster for the much anticipated return of 'the King of Keys'. Seems he's had extensive cyborg augmentation done since his last tour; now only his head (and of course his heart, so he can still feel the pain, channel the love) are still organic. The new royal suit comes complete with a thruster pack for navigating his zero-G orbital concert hall, and allows access to the 88 semi-autonomous piano keys. One can only imagine if such technology fell into the wrong hands... better not to think about it. Better to bow down before the rightful king and marvel at his hypervelocity arpeggios and exponentially advanced smarm quotient.

-40˚Freeze Dried Perfection

A rather brutal but effective new treatment from the beauty experts over at Fancl. Seems all you need to preserve that eternally youthful complexion is a blast of -40˚ C freeze dry (-40˚Fahrenheit as well, surprisingly enough). Of course there's a minor downside - your face becomes as fragile as those liquid nitrogen-dipped flowers they're always shattering in HD commercials. So yes your skin looks flawless, but don't smile - not even a self-satisfied smirk. As the saying goes, 'beauty knows no pain', but beauty never had to clean up freeze-dried cheek fragments...



Fasten Support Juice and Daidai Diet

A diet/slimming product at a local beauty shop. There are tons of slimming salons and diet products here, but few have the pedigree of the exclusive Fasten Club. Exactly what is being 'fastened' isn't exactly clear, but this juice apparently supports the process. Combined with the Daidai (die-die?) diet, club members can expect the pounds to just... fasten away?

Under the Glitz, a Veil of Luxury...

A newish development here in HK, with the nearly indecipherable (and rather forgettable) moniker of WarrenWoods. They easily make up for the uninspired name with the tagline though - 'under the glitz, a veil of luxury'. Hard to improve on that. But under the flash, beneath the thin veneer of luxury, what lies below? A screen of extravagance? A sheen of overindulgence? Or a portal into the fabled dimension of... Hyperluxury?