More Style Today Than Yesterday

A small 'hallway' store in Causeway Bay. Interesting name, but judging by the empty hooks, I guess they didn't have much style yesterday either...

Mind Attack Spider Game

A game in the local Toys 'R Us - Mind Attack Spider Game. Not sure how you play exactly, but apparently if you hit the spider robot with your infrared laser, it 'screams and falls'. Not for the faint of heart. One can only imagine the chronic nightmares visited upon some unfortunate, overly imaginative seven year old: trapped in the middle of a sprawling spider's web; assaulted by endless waves of demonic cyborg arachnids (who scream in unearthly rage when you do manage to hit one of them); but they're just too many of them, and the nicad batteries in your tiny infrared laster pistol are running low... Perhaps 'Mind F*ck' would be better.

Well, Good for Them...

A nice little gem I caught on the ESPN(?) sports page; a breaking banner headline concerning American baseball. Seems the St. Louis Cardinals have agreed to a seven-year, $120 million (USD) deal with... the St. Louis Cardinals. This according to consummate insider John Heyman (just the kind of info only a seasoned, well-connected reporter like him could unearth). A truly stunning development. Apparently a Mr. Holliday will also get a 'full no-trade clause' thrown in. I assume the Cardinals have also agreed in principle not to trade... the Cardinals?

Hootchy Kootchy (Keep Your Socks On)

A pair of socks for sale at a stall in North Point. I hope this one is intentional, as its pretty cheeky (as sock names go anyway). Of course thats assuming you know what 'hootchie cootchie' means; in the US at least its dated slang for having sex, originally the name of a ribald faux belly dance craze in the late 1800s. Anyway it seems the good people at Wai Shun Socks Knitting Factory (Ltd) want you to have said sex with your socks on, which would obviously be great for business. According to their sales blurb online, these socks are 'ladies computerised patterned... unique designed socks with smooth and soft feeling... easy to match with various dress code'. I guess if your dress code consists of just socks, then yes they do match rather well...

You'll Never, EVER Finish... But Do Make It a Ritual

A somber billboard for PageOne (arguably the best english-language bookstore in HK). Read every day - Even if you read books every day, you'll still never finish reading all the books in the world - but do make it a ritual. What's the point here exactly? Of course you'd never finish all the books in the world; this sounds more like don't bother, or what the hell, stave off the inevitable. I could understand a do not go gently into that good night inspirational tone, or even so read what you love vibe, but this makes it all sound rather overwhelming and pointless, like do brush your teeth, even though they'll all decay and rot out of your head regardless...



It reminds me of those death countdown clocks that used to pop up in airline catalogues, usually in 'the sharper image' or similar executive toy section. They would digitally display your statistical time of death as a 'reminder' to get things done. Or to not bother...

M-XXXXXXL

A sign in Wanchai advertising the sizes available at a local fashion outlet. For those who've wondered where those unfortunate 1,000 pounders get their clothes, perhaps here's your answer. I've had to buy XXL here on occasion (the 'Asian XL', as they call it here, is actually between to a M and L in the US). So even assuming US sizes, if you weigh over 500 lbs. your sh*t out of luck. I think this signage may backfire though; can't imagine a plus-size clientele appreciate the ever-expanding size of the Xs...

StarzBites?

PIzza Hut's latest mutant pizza idea - seems cheese injected into a hollow tube crust wasn't pushing the envelope far enough. Now we have StarzBites! I haven't seen one of these abominations in person, but apparently its a crust with 18 individual 'bites' attached like spokes, each stuffed with a 2-tone cheese stick (note the z-shaped flourish on top - nice touch - very starzy). The actual pizza is topped with scallops, peaches, pineapple, 'embedded' sausage slices, 'intertwining' mozzarella and cheddar cheeses, and 'innovative' miracle island sauce (thousand island dressing being a common alternative to tomato sauce here in HK and in Japan). Hell who wouldn't want to partake of such a multi-faceted, multi-dimensional treat, if only to be a part of history? I'm feeling more starzy just by looking at it. As for the name, what else are you going to call it? Spokeybites? Sporez?


The Largest Lifestyle Hypermall in Malaysian Borneo

From the Kota Kinabalu tourist map. Borneo is known for its orangutans and headhunters, but its the world famous 'lifestyle hypermalls' that really pack in the tourists. And this is the largest of them all, dwarfing the other 58 in the province. These hypermalls exist in at least 8 extra dimensions, allowing innocuous looking complexes like this to hold over 38,000 stores...

Satan Claus

Thanks to my friend Mark for sending this one over. Seems Satan was busy during xmas as well, assuming a passable 'saint nick' disguise and hiring himself out for the holiday kiddy circuit (no doubt trying to snag a few children's souls with his 'gift' of eternal toys - in hell!) Looks like he's shaking a bit - perhaps he's struggling to keep his devil body from bursting through. More likely he's been hitting the spiked eggnog a little too hard (he is making that universal 'drinking' motion), getting some 'liquid courage' under his belt before the 'sitting on santa's lap' portion of the party starts. Seems even he gets nervous about dealing with droves of demanding, bratty kids...



This is The Place

If you've ever wondered where the place is - the original location that spawned the now time-worn expression - well now you have your answer. Apparently its been in a strip mall in Malaysia all this time. Who knew? Its also an 'overtime cafe & lounge', so if you've just pulled an extra shift at work, just swing by Borneo for a quick bite or pick me up...

Head Shop Head Shot - Take Out The Special Forces Kitty

A window poster from the Head Shop 2, a salon I've posted on before. Seems now they're offering would-be snipers a chance to take out a pesky special forces kitty with a head shot. He's apparently infiltrated their 'shine' product line, and is taking cover behind the 'silk fusion' conditioner. I like the little helmet, but the cat-sized M1 automatic rifle really kicks this up a notch. He may be good, but as you can see by the tracking crosshairs, his counterinsurgency days are numbered...

Revolving Pavilion - Just Like the Real Westminster Palace...

This is a 3D puzzle(?) sold in Wanchai. A bit hard to read, but its officially 'revolving pavilion, palace of westminster. I was unaware that Westminster Palace had a revolving pavilion; must be for the Queen's private use. I googled it later, and its actually from Poland; and here I thought this was another case of a Chinese marketing guy ginning up more nonsensical (but impressive sounding) English combinations. My apologies to the many Chinese marketing guys who peruse this site. Love the crowned 'R' and full moon, though...

24 Hour Hotline - For a Funeral Parlour?

My wife spotted this sign outside the Kota Kinabalu Airport in Borneo. Why a funeral parlor would need a 24 hour hotline is beyond me; perhaps its better not to ask...



Protect Mr. Earth!

An appropriate first posting for 2010; from a bag in a fashion outlet in Wanchai. With global warming worsening (and conservative 'deniers' helping it along) the world needs protection more than ever, and its upgraded its private security force with some ex-Navy Seals armed to the teeth (adding some much needed firepower to its usual security detail - doves, flowers and dragonflies). I love the bizarre inclusion of art nouveau scrollwork; really brings the image together. Honestly the first time I've seen 'the Earth' actually refer to itself as a man, but maybe with the new year it's decided to go with a phrase that will resonate more with its old boy network adversaries - "That's MISTER Earth to you, a**hole!"